This survey partly came about because I wanted to know whether other people felt pressure to be "proper" bisexuals, and whether the labels people choose accurately reflect their behaviour.

I sent out 50 forms to people who had either requested one after a workshop I ran at BiCon or replied to an ad in Bifrost asking "Do you ever wonder if you're a "Proper" bisexual". 38 replied, including four totally straight people who, I suspect, were given the surveys by friends without knowing what they were. The rest of the article is about the other 34.

The replies broke down roughly evenly by gender; 14 men and 20 women. Most came from young people, with only six over thirty. Because of the limits of the survey I can't tell if this is representative of Bifrost readers, bisexuals in general,or of people who are in some doubt about their sexuality!

The next question, after age and gender, concerned contact with lesbian, gay or bisexual groups. 74% overall were members of groups, with 26% being members of three or more. Of the 26% who were not members of any group, two thirds had either no contact at all with the LesBiGay community or only a few friends in it. At the other end of the scale, one man replied "Do I have any friends ouside the LesBiGay community?"

In reply to "How did you first find out about bisexuality?" 14 said from friends, nine personal experience - including "through a threesome!?", five from books, magazines or TV, three through adverts for bi groups or events and two via David Bowie(!) One woman found that a previous lover was bisexual when she spoke to a gay man who had slept with him as well!

People's first contact with the bi movement followed similar patterns, with eight hear ing about it from friends, eight from books or magazines and nine through ads for bi groups or events. One man said "from Gay Switchboard, with difficulty" and another named the bisexual helpline. I don't know whether to be disappointed that only one person named Bifrost as first contact, but surprisingly three named the bisexual presence at Pride 92.

Unsurprisingly 27 people counted bisexual as a self-identity, but we also got three straight, two lesbian and two "don't use labels". 11 of the "bisexuals" used other labels as well including two gay, seven queer, and one each of dyke, poof, fag-hag, queer radical faggot, queen and byke (bisexual dyke).

Other sexual identities given were SM(8), transvestite(2), "lipstick lesbian", femme, "Butchy femme, femmy butch (!)", non-monogamous, pervert(3) and mad about leather. There were simply too many non-sexual identities to list, nearly everyone gave one, with some producing a whole list. The vast majority were "alter- native" in some way. Here are a few examples; anarchist, parent, atheist, humanist, pagan, socialist, vegan,Irish, feminist and black. Those that people counted as more important than their sexuality included "my personality", feminist, black and poet.

30 people were out to close friends, 22 to parents, 17 to other family, 28 to lovers and 23 at work. Work is still a sensitive area, though, as most people are selective about who they come out to at work, and bosses were mentioned three times as people to be definitely not out to.

From the other mentions under "definitely not out to" it seems clear that we are still very worried about our image around children and parents. The Scout association, son's teachers, "the parents of the little darlings I teach", and "my current obstetrician" all got a mention.

Not many people, on the other hand, tended to "pass" or identify as lesbian or gay rather than bisexual. This only got five mentions in total, including being out as lesbian to parents and not wanting to change that, remaining gay to an ex (gay) lover, and "passing" as gay in the gay movement. One woman who normally identifies as a lesbian also makes a point of calling herself bisexual to " very lesbian people".

It is always difficult to quantify sexuality, particularly for bisexuals, who are notoriously keen to get away from the usual either/or stereotypes. In line with previous surveys of bisexual behaviour and identity I decided not to use recognised sexuality ratings, but to invent one of my own! I asked people to rate themselves from 1 to 7, with 1 being other sex only and 7 same sex only in four categories. (a) current sexual attraction to strangers (ie, people you might fancy on the street), (b) current sexual attraction to people you know (ie friends you might like to sleep with), (c) current sexual fantasies and (d) current emotional preference.

It soon became clear that it would be better to look at replies in this section from women and men separately. Naturally enough, given the nature of the survey, most of the responses were near the middle, but the exceptions were most interesting. The women's answers varied more, and the only 1's and 7's in the responses came from women. There were some 1's from women who defined as straight but had some fantasies about women, and 7's for (d) (emotional preference) from 5 women.

To generalise horribly, it seems that women must be better partners on an emotional level, as both men and women prefer them! The effect was more noticable among women, with feminism probably having an influence (most women defined themselves as feminists). Either women are also better looking, or we are more influenced by societal ideas about good looks than we would perhaps like to think, as more people of both genders fancied women on the street as well. One woman said "women just look better than men - but I don't get to sleep with the gorgeous ones I see..." On the other hand we seem to prefer, or at least think more about sleeping with men, as the replies to (b) and (c) both showed a slight imbalance in that direction for both genders. Could it be that women are considered prettier and more sensitive while men are stereotyped as sexually active and easier to approach?

I gave a list of words or phrases such as "celibate by choice", "in a relationship with a same/other sex partner", "monogamous", "openly non-monogamous" etc, and asked people to circle any that applied. Most took me at my word and ringed several - making some of the replies very difficult to categorise. I suppose I should have though of that before! Out of the 34 replies, though, there were 7 celibate (2 by choice), 4 in monogamous relationships (2 with the same and 2 with the other sex), 14 in non-monogamous relationships (9 with the other sex, 5 with both sexes), and 10 having occasional or casual sex, most with both sexes, but 2 (both men) with the same sex only.

In the other categories there were 3 married people (and one engaged), 8 living with a partner and 1 living in a threesome or more. Oddly enough, there was no clear distinction between the genders on this section.

Yes, but you all want to know how much sex everyone else is getting don't you? I asked people to give numbers for same and other sex "one night stands", relationships, and a category that I called "more than once but not in a relationship". The last one got a lot of use, so I'm glad I thought of it. The different categories came out in about the same proportion for men and women and same and opposite sex relationships. The difference came in the actual numbers. Again, more people, men and women, seem to sleep with men - and that's not just from the men's reports! As one woman succinctly put it "men are tarts". I gave people one "point" for a one night stand, two for "more than once..." and three for a relationship. Using these figures I worked out that men had a average of 21.4 points with men (ranging from 0 to 129) and 9.8 with women (from 0 to 28, and women averaged 23.4 with men (from 0 to 74) and 8.9 with women (0 to 41). I leave people to work out the meaning of all this themselves, but whatever it is, it seems that bisexuals are far from being straightforward!

Of course a survey like this cannot hope to produce an accurate statistical picture of bisexuality. But at least it makes it clear that we really are a diverse bunch, and I hope it might set some peoples minds at rest about what being a "proper" bisexual involves. As a friend of mine has said, "Sometimes I think I'm kidding myself and that I'm completely gay, and others that I must be straight deep down, so I think that I'm probably on the right track calling myself bisexual!"

Quotes

"I would not tell my parents I was bisexual as this would enforce their view that I will grow out of my lesbian phase"

"I knew I wasn't a dyke because I fancied men, therefore I must be straight, this rather daft reasoning led to me not consumating a couple of very intense relationships with other women"

"Up until around a year ago I was really worried about whether this label (bisexual) actually 'fitted'... now I can't remember why that was"

"I had no use for labels, I thought being really camp was enough"

"...say I'm bi and explain a bit if necessary...no, I'm not sexually voracious, yes, I am a feminist"

"At 15 I met and began hanging around young gay men and lesbians ...They were so cool that I couldn't possibly be like them, so I figured I must be straight."

"One word can't sum me up, so although it's still accurate, it's only one of many parts of my identity. I use it as a political term still, but less as a personal one."

"I usually actively project a lesbian image and mannerisms to make myself feel more comfortable in the patriarchal sexist society I must move in. I don't, however, blatantly state this because I know it's not the whole truth."

" maybe if I do this questionnaire again next week or even tomorrow you will have a different set of answers"

Last updated 4th March 2000